February 09, 2021

Children push buttons...why and what does that mean exactly?

February 09, 2021/ Birgit Rohm

"NO, I DON'T WANT TO GO WITH YOU, I'D RATHER GO WITH DAD". IT SEEMS LIKE A BANALITY AND YET THIS STATEMENT CAN HURT SO MUCH THAT YOU ASK YOURSELF: WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME? USUALLY FOLLOWED BY ANGER AND THE EXPECTATION TO STAND ABOVE IT - AND THE CONFLICT IS ALREADY SPARKED. WHERE DOES THIS OVERREACTION COME FROM?

One possible explanation for such feelings are experiences in life, mostly from childhood, in which emotional experiences are formative. For example, when I felt ignored, invisible and not worthy enough by parents or siblings. Then this wound is activated and the current impulse is accompanied by a wave of pain from the past. You can also notice this by feeling like a child, childish in a way, in the situation itself.

HOW DO I DEAL WITH IT?

December 14, 2020

Time for me? Why the thought alone is not enough...What is the driving force?

December 14, 2020/ Birgit Rohm

We are in the pre-Christmas period, the time of reflection and enjoyment. Words that in all likelihood do not match reality, because most of the time it looks quite different. In addition to the normal everyday life, the Christmas to-do list comes on top of it and thus the illusion, a Christmas full of energy, moves into the far distance. It feels more like a marathon through twinkling lights, gingerbread and wrapping paper, which has most likely the consequence on Christmas Eve to fall asleep exhausted. How should it be possible to follow the tips to enjoy the pre-Christmas season after all? The good news is - it's possible.

How, we now do together step by step. This begins with looking at the Christmas list and asking yourself, what of it is fun for me and what of it is pure fulfillment of external expectations? For now, just let this realization set, because the thought alone to shorten the list afterwards is not enough to change anything. The inner manager working off the Christmas list is focused on a perfect Christmas, and the mere idea of shortening it will not dissuade him. It's like telling a fireman who is putting out a fire that he only needs to put out half of it. That sounds just as absurd to him.

September 29, 2020

Emotions: The opportunity to avoid conflicts?

September 29, 2020/ Birgit Rohm

In the last article I wrote about self-care and how important it is to live your own world as a parent to have energy for the world of others around you. Also as a role model not to hide or even suppress your own feelings. Children notice this quickly and often think they are to blame. Therefore it is important to explain yourself and speak up for your feelings early on, also to avoid bursting in the wrong place.

If only it were that simple, "Explain myself and speak for my feelings". Do I even know what I should explain and what I feel? And if so, do I allow myself my feelings and ultimately accept them? Because only then can I also speak for them. The answer is, I have to become aware of myself. But how? My girlfriend recently told me that her son, when he does sports, always approaches it with full fervor and has the professionals as a role model. In soccer it's Manuel Neuer, in skating it's Mr. XY. He always says "I want to be like...", grabs his soccer ball or skateboard and is off through the door. She told him why it always had to be the best, why not lower the bar? They started to argue about it and her son accused her of "Stop ruining everything for me”.

I asked her what she was afraid of? She said that he would be disappointed not to be able to reach his role models. What is happening here?

August 04, 2020

Self-Care...why is it so important?

August 04, 2020/ Birgit Rohm

A homage to motherhood…

I like to compare motherhood to the juggler in the circus who tries to hold all the plates on the sticks at the same time...so it often feels like doing justice to all our roles, the mother role, the business role, the partner role, the girlfriend role, the daughter role, etc., just to name a few. All of these roles are involved in keeping the Career, Family and Friends organization going, which begins and ends with all the appointments for family members and yourself.

Yourself...there was something? We all know the point where you think, who am I actually? Since the structure of the professional and private system consumes infinite energy. At the end of the day you just fall into bed hoping everyone will sleep through the night.

What can you do to fulfil your own roles with élan and fun?

June 26, 2020

What often blocks our self-confidence?

June 26, 2020/ Birgit Rohm

In my last blog, I talked about how stress from experiences and lessons learned can create protectors in our system. Protectors, which appear in the form of extreme moods or certain behavioral patterns and thus get in our way.

I got the question from a reader, how do I recognize this and how can I control it?

When we experience people who are always criticizing or have anger written all over their face, or who are mostly dissatisfied or predominantly fearful, then a feeling over time has become a mood. But this can also be humour and positivity in every situation in life, even then a feeling has become a mood and authenticity is overshadowed by this protector. Authenticity means that our complete inner team advises us and that not just one or a small, well-coordinated group holds the reins, but that our entire potential is at our disposal. Only then is it possible to make decisions with clarity and calmness, to take responsibility and to lead a satisfied and balanced life.

When do emotions become moods and a certain behaviour becomes a pattern?

May 30, 2020

Why is it a fallacy that shaming makes you tough?

May 30, 2020/ Birgit Rohm

When a grown man says, "I have not spoken to anyone about my father's death, my inner soldier says, be strong and do not cry, that is a woman's business! And adds, "but I feel anything but strong, I'm tired and feel like I'm in over my head. I resort to alcohol too often as a distraction. I don't like it.” Then he was probably denied a lot of things in his childhood that were supposed to serve to toughen him up.

The same applies to a woman who says, "I have so much anger inside me, I don't know where to put it and yet I can't set boundaries. I just can't get the words out of my mouth. This inner restlessness makes me sleep badly and then I get up at night and eat". As we get to the bottom of this, a sentence comes up that she heard over and over again as a child. "You see girls, but you don't hear them."

Why do these sentences cause blockages in children, which can often be very distressing in adult life?

May 17, 2020

How can I strengthen the self-confidence of others?

May 17, 2020/ Birgit Rohm

My last blog was about how to strengthen your own self-confidence. When we strengthen our own, it has a ripple effect on others as well. We trust ourselves, are mentally free and make decisions with clarity. We are authentic and binding at the same time. This creates compassion and motivates not only ourselves but also others. If we are parents or superiors, in both cases we are leading a system, a team of people, which is dependent on our interaction with them. In the case of children even dependent, because they do not have the freedom, like an employee, to simply leave.

Let us dive into the four pillars of self-consciousness and how we can use them this time to strengthen the self-consciousness of other people in our environment.

May 01, 2020

How can I strengthen my self-confidence?

May 01, 2020/ Birgit Rohm

We all know the feeling of insecurity and that doesn't feel good. We look at others and have the feeling that they are much more self-assured. This can be deceptive, especially bossy behaviour, which is often interpreted as self-confidence, is often a fallacy. What makes real self-confidence? Our self-confidence is based on four pillars: connection, acknowledgement, control and needs. If one of these pillars is missing or shaky, we feel insecure. Thus our foundation is not stable. The existing insecurity is often compensated with ego behavior such as anger, frustration or repression. In that moment we no longer trust ourselves and follow external expectations instead if internal motivation.

This means I have influence on my foundation. What can I do to keep it solid?

Let's get to know each of the pillars.

April 16, 2020

How do you recognize the right time to set a boundary?

April 16, 2020/ Birgit Rohm

For my last blog I got the question, how do you feel your boundaries and how do you recognise the right time to set a boundary? This is a great question, to answer it we have to start somewhere else.

Why is it so important to go after what is good for me - life is not a wish concert after all?

The good news, but that's it, because there are many areas in which we have control to make a difference, it's just a question of what is stopping us? Let's start with the smallest unit that does us good - our 5 senses. Let's start thinking about writing down what is good for you in each of the 5 senses? What do I like to smell, what do I like to see and hear, what do I like to taste and feel? Once the list is complete, we consciously incorporate it into our daily routine - and there is always time for that. You can create real rituals, what does my morning look like, what do I do to feel good after my morning routine? Exactly what does my evening look like, what do I do to slowly descend and switch off? Can I sleep well afterwards? When you start this, it becomes clear how the body wants to have more of these positive messenger substances that are emitted by the pleasant feeling, because these energy boosters boost inner motivation and productivity. The more we listen to our body what is good for me, the more we will understand what is not good for me. This means that setting a limit to the feeling becomes clearer.

From which energy sources does our body draw?

April 07, 2020

The family system needs structure, why is this so important?

April 07, 2020/ Birgit Rohm

The world of many children is structured according to the fact that the parents are either in the office or at home. Not being in the office usually means having time for them. Now, during quarantine periods, many parents are in the home office and for many children this automatically means - time for me. As we also know, children are very demanding in their needs. They do this until they get an answer. Therefore it is important to explain yourself to children, the biggest underestimation is that children do not understand it yet, they understand much more and much earlier than we think. Explain the situation and, depending on the child's age, use aids, visualise, draw clocks on when time is available again and distinguish themselves by rooms and time windows.

Why is it so hard to set bounderies and say no?

April 01, 2020

What emotions - in times of quarantine - arise in the family?

April 01, 2020/ Birgit Rohm

I receive many letters in which you describe the ups and downs you are going through during the time of the quarantine. One day things are going well and one can take a positive view of the situation, the next day the sensations suddenly turn upside down, emotions boil over and conflicts arise, within oneself and among each other.

Why are these fluctuations? We have little control over the situation right now and we always try to take the control we can. At this time it is difficult, because we are led by experts and politicians. Our parts, such as solidarity, reason, intellect, make it easier to deal with it, again our scepticism, understanding, question things. This inner process of weighing up is important, but in extreme situations like this, it costs a lot of energy.

What do we have influence on at the moment and can we gain some control?

March 28, 2020

The time in quarantine - a big challenge

March 28, 2020/ Birgit Rohm

I would like to use this blog to keep in touch with you, my clients, in order to accompany you as we continue to balance ourselves with the tools of self-leadership in times of the Corona crisis, which demands a lot from us. I also want to use this block to teach you, who are not yet familiar with the model, the Self-Leadership Tools step by step, so that times like these are easier to manage. Whether it is about the dynamics in the office with team, colleagues and superiors or a new dynamic in quarantine with the whole family, self-leadership is needed in both areas, namely "how do I manage myself" and "what is the resulting handling of my environment?

Now is the time to understand more in order to get through the crisis well.

I read a great interview with the psychologist Gerd Gigerenzer about the current corona situation and would like to quote the following from him: It is important in such situations to keep a clear head. Now is the time to understand more in order to get through the crisis well. That hits the nail on the head. It is not only about understanding the situation of the crisis and the disease, but also about understanding oneself (self-leadership) in the dynamics of quarantine. This alone gives strength and new energy to master the special circumstances.

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