In my last blog, I talked about how stress from experiences and lessons learned can create protectors in our system. Protectors, which appear in the form of extreme moods or certain behavioral patterns and thus get in our way.

I got the question from a reader, how do I recognize this and how can I control it?

When we experience people who are always criticizing or have anger written all over their face, or who are mostly dissatisfied or predominantly fearful, then a feeling over time has become a mood. But this can also be humour and positivity in every situation in life, even then a feeling has become a mood and authenticity is overshadowed by this protector. Authenticity means that our complete inner team advises us and that not just one or a small, well-coordinated group holds the reins, but that our entire potential is at our disposal. Only then is it possible to make decisions with clarity and calmness, to take responsibility and to lead a satisfied and balanced life.

When do emotions become moods and a certain behaviour becomes a pattern?

We all know the feeling of insecurity and that doesn't feel good. We look at others and have the feeling that they are much more self-assured. This can be deceptive, especially bossy behaviour, which is often interpreted as self-confidence, is often a fallacy. What makes real self-confidence? Our self-confidence is based on four pillars: connection, acknowledgement, control and needs. If one of these pillars is missing or shaky, we feel insecure. Thus our foundation is not stable. The existing insecurity is often compensated with ego behavior such as anger, frustration or repression. In that moment we no longer trust ourselves and follow external expectations instead if internal motivation.

This means I have influence on my foundation. What can I do to keep it solid?

Let's get to know each of the pillars.